Thursday, August 5, 2010

Meet the Mallets

As it turns out, the only reason any young man or woman gets into construction is the hammer. Hitting things with hammers remains the most primal form of human satisfaction; it's up there with setting things on fire. Fortunately, we Titcomb rebuilders understand the value of a good mallet and hammer. They can be used to nudge, tickle, chisel, place, suggest, command, and, of course, destroy. In fact, these mallets are so important to our crew that each and every one of them has a name. I present you with the family behind the reconstruction of Titcomb cabin: the Mallets.

From left to right, starting with our larger enforcers: George, Bricktop, Mikey, and Thudbuster.

Gorgeous George, ├╝ber-mallet, 60 pounds, special attack: providing the mild suggestion that several hundred pound logs move left, right, up, down, or over several inches at a time.
Bricktop, large sledge, 16 pounds, special attack: fireplace elimination.
Mikey, maul, 8 pounds, special attack: sneaking into pictures with hammers.
Thudbuster, sledge, 8 pounds, special ability: enhanced veinyness of the user.

The bad news, however, is that we can't get along with just enormous hammers. We need more delicate tools for placing log dogs (steel pieces that keep logs from rolling), chiseling (for delicate work), and chicken tenderizing.

Brian and Kate are our two quality-construction hardwood mallets for chiseling. They do fine chisel work and were a gift from our advisor, Brian Kunz.

Next is our 3-pounder, Nubduster. He does the delicate destructive work like squashing yellow jackets and bees. The two hammers to his right belong to Kodiak and Lucas, respectively. We call them the wrist-burner and the wafflemaker, respectively.

We also have a small ball hammer and a leather hammer. No one has ever used them, because a leather hammer is apparently mainly only useful for brasswork. Oh.

You'd imagine that, with such a wide variety of wonderful tools, we'd be fully satisfied for any mallet-swinging needs we may have. But you, sir or ma'am, would be wrong. Instead we decided to just build more hammers. Those big round wood mallets you see? Bullseye, Crookshanks, and Ergo. Fortunately, these mallets are perfect for all the rest of our needs, so we have one more rubber mallet just for kicks. He's kind of like a bouncy ball... we just play with him for fun.

Well, I hope you've enjoyed this short, wordy exploration of the world of mallets on the island. Please direct any and all further questions to

P.S. After re-reading this post, I was reminded that I forgot to mention our lead shot-filled hammer, Nostradamus. Much like Nos's predictions, we spend most of our time ignoring him, hence the forgetfulness.

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